Friday, December 20, 2013
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
This year has been full of ups and downs. None of which I would trade for anything in the world. A relationship ended and another began. Health problems but proactive behavior saved me from myself. I had to say goodbye to a dear friend. A friend whom I cried weeks about and finally was able to really cry over losing my husband. My Daisy left me one October day. I held her as she fell asleep, for the last time, in my arms. She taught me so much and showed me the love I needed and had so much patience for me. I will never have another dog like Daisy. Me being a cat person, I learned that I will not be whole unless I am able to give love to a dog. After spending Thanksgiving at a friends house with her dogs I knew I needed a dog to help heal my heart. A lot of people told me to wait and I had plans to wait at least a year, but going home to an empty house after Thanksgiving I knew what I needed. I then spent every waking hour on Craigslist and searching up dogs and what kind of dog I wanted. I needed a dog to get me off of my ass and out of the house. I needed a dog that I could accomplish something that I would savor. I finally decided on a Doberman Pincher. I went through a breeder and I have already gotten looks of "you couldn't go with a rescue dog could you? ". Daisy was a rescue and I loved her but she had some issues and we spent a lot of money when we got her. So why not do what I want and get something that will make me happy.
Her name is Imperial Delilah Grace. Her parents have won awards in skill and looks. I am a proud owner. Delilah already has me potty trained haha. Today she finally learned to jump on the couch successfully. She is so proud. She hates the leash, but loves peanut butter. She has already thrown up in my brand new car and I don't care. I enjoy coming home now, but do not enjoy waking up at 4am. I love seeing her excited to see me, but I hate when she wakes me up by chewing my hair. She let's me take naps and she enjoys pestering Calvin. She is my cure for my drepression. Since I have had her I have not cried myself to sleep. Yes it has only been 3 weeks, but I haven't cried. These past two years I have cried so many nights, regardless of what drugs the doctors gave me,. Delilah has been the perfect perscription. I just hope I don't go down the rabbit hole as frequently.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
I do not feel happy yet I do not feel sad. I can't stop crying day and night. It comes in dramatic spurts. I have tried everything.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
I still get teary eyed at my desk when my phone will ring and I get a bit excited inside.
I cannot watch family movies that have a death in them. I have tried many times, and I get antsy and wind up with anxiety.
I do not look forward to the holidays at all.
There was a time last year, where everything was good, and I actually bought Halloween candy, cooked a feast at Thanksgiving and looked forward to putting the Christmas tree up. This year not so much. I am hoping these two little rascals get me out of my mood and into the holiday spirit. Too many things on my plate right now and it is not fair at all.
I read things from friends that are going through rough times and I can't even finish reading it. I always think that time will ease all wounds and doing new things will help ease the pain. But it doesn't.
Right now, today I want to pack up my car and move to a town that has internet, fast internet at that, snowy roads and friendly people. I want to become a hermit and never leave out of that town.
Sad sad sad...