When I first met you, I noticed your eyes. They were blue and intense.
When I first talked to you, I noticed your smile. your smile was natural and you had dimples.
When I first was kissed by you, I noticed myself melting.
When you first held me close, I noticed time standing still.
When we married, I knew I wanted you for the rest of my life.
When I said I wanted to die a day before you, so I did not have to live without you in my life, I meant it. You kissed me and proceeded to discuss our son or daughters latest antics.

Throughout the years I felt very special and we were always close. Yes, we had our times but I would be more worried if we did not argue and yell. Each of us, being hard headed would not let the other person win, regardless of who was right or wrong. I loved the passion that I felt with you. Passion with work, home, family, love, and me, you always had so much to give. I loved the new experiences I had with you. Las Vegas, camping, flying to Buffalo, moving cross country, skiing, New Orleans, Jack in the Box after The Library. I remember seeing you in your Senior Chief uniform (swoon) then in your officer uniform (swoon again)! You would change your shoulder boards so often I could not keep up with the advancements. You were amazing in the military. I knew you missed it so much.
I feel all of these memories and try my best to remember more.

For that is all I have now.

The smell of your shaving cream.
Me scaring you in the shower.
The smell of your cologne.
The smell of your deodorant, which I did not like at all, but would give my soul to smell it on you again.

When I last saw you on Sunday, I was upset with you, but seeing you trying to sit up and talk to me, was enough for me to come over and kiss you goodbye. I came back and gave you another kiss and tried to be short with you when I told you to have crabs for breakfast. I then left you for the week.

Every night we talked and we said, "Goodnight and I love you". Each night I went to bed, content and thinking of you, a bit sad that I had a huge bed with a million pillows to myself. I was anxious to finish the week and meet you down south for a weekend of fun, friends and an amazing time.

I am mad at times, wondering why you had to go. We had so many plans.


Attack of the Weedwacker

Brian usually took care of the outside of the house. One of his many nicknames was "Harry Homeowner". Now that I have to do everything, I decided to get some fresh air (anyone feel the humidity lately?) and weedwack the front yard. The last time I was outside walking Daisy, I looked at all of the other yards and they were all in a state of perfection. I looked at my yard, and saw how my entire life felt in a small parcel of grass. It looked devilish and unkempt and in need of a trim. I grabbed the rake and the weedwacker from the shed, once I checked for wasps, bees, and anything else moving faster than I do.
I took everything out front, getting a little giddy on the inside since I was going to be playing with a type of power tool.

I first had to rake, about 30 minutes I had a large bag of leaves collected and my back already hurt and I was tired. I looked at the weed whacker and wasn't so giddy inside, maybe a little sick to my stomach. I took a break and hydrated myself.

I went back outside and started balding, I mean weed whacking the grass.

It was bad.
I think I will be hiring someone to do this for me.

I am the cook and cleaner, not the lawnmower man...

Baby Steps

I think I have cooked twice in 3 weeks.
I went to the grocery store today.
I think I finished cleaning an entire room, the small entry bathroom, without having to stop and move on to something else.
I actually bought food at the grocery.
I do plan on cooking something.
It's 3 in the morning and I am still awake.

Baby steps.