To my son

Dear Bryant,

Let me try to describe the gift that you have given to me,
Although, I believe that will be a major undertaking.
Since it is quite difficult to describe in an ordinary language.
Your arrival 18 years ago was unmistakably
Marked with anxious trepidation.
The journey you undertook
Was not of a scheduled nature,
But more of a conscious decision.
By far, the finest creative gift was you.
For when you emerged into my world,
I became reborn
With my heart so willing to share its wealth.
There you were, a small wonder; a tiny reflection
Of combined traits which would ultimately be recreated
Into the distinctive person you have become.
I never realized that my heart
Was so willing to share so much love
With a stranger so small and needy.
You didn't arrive with instructions
It was strictly learn as you go.
I remember the first time you crawled
I remember the first step you took
I remember the first word you spoke
You were a joy to be around
Smiling and loving
Not necessarily sharing
At a young age
You became the teacher.
Ever so patient, so caring, so you.
To carry on a family trait that you will certainly pass on.
As you grew, you obtained a wonderful gift of laughter
I offered you the tools to learn and trust and to be a confident person.
You showed me that you can be an independent person.
The day I walked you to school
And you let go of my hand and said ‘It’s cool’
That day you rode your bike to school alone
And never looked back, while I was following you in the car
And we had secret words for I love you
Give me 5 was the phrase
We could say it anywhere
Soon it was said no more
You were growing up
I would think about it and get a tear in my eye
Not because I was sad but because a new chapter in your life was beginning.
You are an intelligent, sensible, affectionate and sympathetic person,
Who always seems to be there for those whose lives you touch.
You have an extraordinary enthusiasm and passion for learning.
You have the ability to communicate your inner most thoughts,
Where so many your age do not.
You can be angry yet let it go minutes later,
you can make an entire room laugh,
I am blessed for that.
Now, you will be going off on your own
Making decisions that you may not be able to pass by me
That will affect your life.
You may fall down
But I know that you will always pick yourself up
And begin again.
I never thought that I would look up to someone your age
But that has become evident.
As you look at us side by side;
the bond will not be broken.
The stranger that entered my life not so long ago,
Has certainly been transformed into a young man.
That I am proud to call . . .
My son.



Black Friday isn't so Black

I was up this morning, before dawn wondering how I was going to survive this trip alone.

I looked in the closet and found my favorite baggy jeans, I picked those since I was still full from yesterday's feast of spinach dip, 7 layer dip, turkey, ham, mashed taters, green bean casserole and some pea concoction,yams, ham, turkey, gravy, more turkey, and rolls. I would have remembered the name of the peas, but I already asked Sandy what it was called and I dont want to ask again. I can't even remember the rice dish she made for her cook out and that was an absolute dream. I have learned whenever Sandy makes a new dish for company, no matter how weird it looks, just try a bit. Her french roots and knack for cooking is really a treat for the taste buds!!

Baggy Jeans check, now I need a shirt, that is not too heavy or so light I have to wear a jacket. It must have long sleeves and a collar. Check. The reasoning behind this, is because I will have a hot flash as soon as I enter a place where there is shopping to be had. The hot flash intensifies when people are banging into me, when people are not speaking english, and they have no manners when they do bump into you. So, I must be prepared. The rest of the dress is unimportant. I get my coffee and jet out the door with ads and credit cards in hand.
I feel like I am the only one on the road.
I feel that I should turn around and go back to bed.
I keep going
I hit the mall, park in my secret spot that almost no one else knows about and proceed to enter the mall.

First of all, jc penny's is awesome, as soon as I walk into the store they hand me an ornament, and a smile. Very nice!!! The aisles seem a bit wider, unless I am losing weight. Okay fine the aisles are in fact wider. The colors and selections are amazing, but I am not here to shop for clothes.
I enter the mall and go to my first store on my list. BINGO I get everything on the list!! Happy happy joy joy.
nd no I do not need the yearly protection plan.

I go to my favorite store and by ornaments. I bought lots of them, but do not tell the hubinator, he seems to think that the ornaments we made as children are good enough to go on the tree. So what if the tree looks bald, we can hang popcorn. I then send him home to his mothers.

Also, I am on the phone every 5 minutes calling the hubinator for suggestions since he had to work today, he loves going shopping on this day more than I do! I know we will be doing this together next year.

I exit the mall as fast as I entered it and proceed to Best Buy where you can always fine something to buy and of course I did. I am rocking with christmas presents and even found a few birthday things!!!

So today wasn't so black after all!!!


d is for dingbat


Nesting or cleaning?? That is the question!

The entire kitchen is almost clean! I spent the entire day going through cupboards, organizing and throwing away things that I do not use. I had this one caddy I ordered from pampered chefs, and the bowls didn't come with it, but I didn't know this until I got the order. I never did order the bowls but I kept the caddy's for 3 years. That is the way I roll. Well, I finally got rid of those.

While cleaning out the baking shelf, I noticed I did not have 2 cans of baking powder, I had 3. Yes, three cans of baking power, and 2 containers ofhershey's cocoa. I have no idea what I was planning on baking, but I know I seriously have a problem. Yes, I kept all 3 cans of bp and 2 cans of cocoa. If you need any, let me know.

Cleaned the stove, which I am currently cooking chicken and dumplings. The dumplings come later but I have the chicken on now and it smells so good!

I managed to find 3 trash bags full of crap to throw away and a box of stuff for goodwill. LOVE IT!!!!
I wish all of the rooms in the house were this easy to clean.

I still have the paneling to clean, and the floors.

I should be pregnant the way I am cleaning.


Sometimes things are better on paper

I once wrote a paper for some class in high school. The class was one of those civic duty classes where we had to volunteer and figure out what type of impact we were going to have on the world, when we grew up.

We had to do 3 things out of 20 to get an A in the class. I of course waited till the last minute to do my last assignment.

I decided to write a letter of my life to my teacher.
I was blunt, honest and did not leave anything out.
I might have been high when I wrote it, because I wasn’t able to read it when I got it back from the teacher, and I blocked that time out of my life. I even threw out the paper, thinking that my mother would find it and seriously the punishment was not worth it. She hid behind the rafters of her bottles of alcohol and pretended nothing happened.

I was embarrassed by the truths in the paper
I was embarrassed at how these truths affected me, and the people around me. Specifically the friends I had who tried to support me, but never knew which way I was going and eventually gave up.
These friends, even though they are not my friends now, taught me how to be a loyal friend to a degree, and also how to know when no matter what you do, you cannot help your friend anymore.
That my friends is another post.


This paper was the one chance I could tell one person the truth and not have them be scared of me or judge me.
This paper made me stronger I think, for I never felt fear again and made some life choices, some for the good, and some choices were the worst choice I ever made.

I have grown from the choices and mistakes that I made, and wish I could go back and apologize for everyone I have hurt or pissed off.

I hope that EVERY child, kid, teen has a teacher that they can share fears and tribulations of their life.

10 Things I would tell my 16yr old self

Things I would tell my 16yr old self

1. That guy with the cool Nissan truck… will be bald and broke in 10
2. Stay after class and talk to Coach Al.
3. Stay away from the frizzy perms.
4. Invent Facebook.
5. No matter how thin you are, no one looks good in white leggings.
6. Don’t burn all of your bridges.
7. Demand braces.
8. Wear sunscreen all of the time
9. Don’t quit your day job.
10. Do not agree to sell the chocolates!

No more Cheesecake and Vodka... unless perhaps...

Since I just spent over a grand for my son’s senior year of high school..
Wait a minute,
He doesn’t even like high school…

Fine, yes it is all for me, so I can send out announcements to all of my friends telling them that he made it through, that I made it through the million years it has taken to get to this point, graduation. Yes I would have to agree with Jo, GED is definitely cheaper.
I want to be able to send out pictures of him in a tux because I might never see that again. I want the pictures so I can remember what his natural hair color is somewhere underneath the tips.

Anyways, since I spent so much money I am looking at ways to cut costs without having to buy generic diet coke.
Or generic mac and cheese…

Actually the reasoning behind this is that I want a chair and ottoman I saw at Lazy Boy.

OMG heaven

I can picture this piece of furniture in the alcove I have on the middle floor with a nice end table and lamp I saw at Value City. Maybe I would stay home more??

So I am not spending any more money on cheesecake and vodka. I will, however, take donations.

A friend of mine is going to start bargain shopping at the stores in her area.

I have 5 grocery stores in my area, and that is not including the commissary.

This would take me all day long, and I could not do this with anyone with me. I would have to be alone so I could think and make sure I do not purchase the same thing and the different stores. I already have issues with duplicate items… see below.
I do not like coupons because then I usually spend more on crap that I never wind up using because I can get it for a buck cheaper.
With baking season approaching, maybe, just MAYBE I can use the two cans of baking soda I have or the 2 boxes of Hersey’s cocoa. I can ship at cost if You want some…
I can also throw in a 2 year old can of almond paste. I had this wild hair brained idea that I was going to make baklava, speaking of which, I wonder where the pasty puffs are???

This baking idea I have is highly doubtful. I bake for a day then never want to go back into the kitchen again. If you see how hard it is to keep my kitchen clean while baking and how I struggle with putting things away, then you would be in the same boat as I.

Unless, of course you want to give me a free kitchen makeover complete with a new refrigerator.. then I am in.

So now what do I want to talk about??


A bunch of sighs


I never do well with the time changing
I wonder where the hour goes

I get up at the buttcrack of dawn and wonder why I can’t sleep

Instead of going to the gym, I lay in bed and wonder why I am awake

I listen to my neighbors leave for the gym or for work

Last night I was cooked and done by 7 pm. I am sure that was due to my lack of sleep the night before, I was up from 2:45-4:30. I had to be on top of things for work, and take my son to take his car to the auto body shop, and now I am spending the next three days trying to figure out rides for him to and from school, because omg only weird people take the bus. I am hoping his car gets done soon.

I did make the boys kraut and kielbasa for dinner. It stunk up the house for about 3 hours while it was boiling. OMG *sniff*

The coffee isn’t going down fast enough

I have been at work since 6:45 am

I have read all of my emails, answered them and hopes that someone important writes me




The United States American Flag
Flying outside of the Pentagon

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I will be back

I promise!

I have been dealing with a lot of issues. My son is getting ready to graduate, move out, become an adult and I don't want to miss a moment of it. I think back to his childhood and I do not remember much, tidbits of stuff, mostly stories. I try to write them down when I can, so I can embellish it a bit and make it sound good.


I promise I will be back soon, in the meantime enjoy the photo's I have been taking!


Dinner for last week!!!

Chicken Pot Pie (this was taken and modified from The Pioneer Woman's Cookbook.

I tasted the filling and it is THE BOMB.

Pie crust, I bought the frozen ones, you will need 2 of them one for the bottom and one for the top, follow the directions on how to flip the top pie crust out of the pie pan without ripping it to shreds, I would buy enough for two pies, if you don’t need the other one you can throw it in the freezer!!

1 rotisserie chicken (or 2 cups cooked chicken chopped)
1 small onion finely chopped (I won’t use as much onion next time, every time Brian burped it was onion)
3 stalks celery chopped fine
3 carrots chopped fine (make sure these are small enough to where they will cooked with the short amount of cooking time)
¾ stick of butter
8 oz of heavy cream (half a pint)
1 cup of flour
2 cups of chicken broth (have another ½ cup on the sidelines)
1 chicken bouillon cube ( I didn’t have any so I used a top ramen chicken packet)
Salt and pepper

Ok, put the butter in a big pot, melt it.
Throw, yes I said throw, the onion, celery and carrots in the pot.
Stir till they are a bit translucent (about 10 minutes)
Add chicken
Stir again
Add flour and stir, making sure you cover everything with the flour, no you will not need more than 1 cup!!
Add chicken stock, (I added the 2 cups then kept another ½ cup on reserve, yes I needed it. I added more chicken that what it called for… and carrots!)
Add bouillon cube and thyme (2 tsp)
Add in the heavy cream
Mix all together, it should be the consistency of a filling.
Add salt and pepper to taste, and do not put this on top of biscuits!
Add to pie pan.

I had enough for two pies, I cut up a few extra carrots and used all of the meat from a chicken, with the exception of the legs.