3/31/2009

Chapter 1

Chapter 1
I really had no idea what I was thinking. Did I just marry a man just to get away from my mother? I married a man, in Vegas and did not even tell my mother. How odd is that?

Chapter 2
I always thought that running away would solve all of my problems and I have done this since I was a child. The only thing different now, is that I tend to leave the dolls and the blankets behind.

Chapter 3
How long does it take to know that you are actually going to survive? Is God trying to tell me that having a child with this man is wrong?

Chapter 4
New Beginnings and old habits that die hard.

Chapter 5
The past always comes back to haunt you

Chapter 6
Remembering friends and keeping the goals that i made

I have been thinking

A friend of mine has put a team together for the three day walk in October. I would love to do this and I am certain I can raise the money needed for the walk. But what i am worried about is, "Will I be able to walk for three days?" Right now, I can walk to the store behind my house and home, and then I get a twinge in my back. I am so out of shape it stinks. I have been doing better though, and I started walking at least a mile right now and I figure once i get some of this weight off, my back will not hurt as much as it does now.

I have known many people who have died from this disease and I really think that I have the motivation to actually do it and finish it. Since it is in my birthday month, I figure that I would add it to the goals that I want to accomplish before I turn 40.

3/30/2009

A Sign Perhaps...

That I watch too much television.
Last night when I could not go to sleep till 330 this morning, I would walk downstairs and freak myself out when I would go into the kitchen, my blinds were open and I have no drape for above the kitchen sink. I have been watching paranormal states and some haunting in connecticuit on ID (Investigative Discovery channel) and I would start thinking to myself that this was dead time, and I should be careful. I was totally freaking myself out to where I would not turn the television off in the bedroom. I made sure that I wasn't thinking about it and I would totally ignore the fact that when I walked past my windows I could not see anything out there. I went downstairs many times too, to get water, to try laying on the couch, to get more water, to see if I could eat something before I took the strong drugs. All that time, I would be thinking, "OMG its dead time" no more scary shows.

Of course

The first day that I am supposed to go to the gym and have a small workout, I start my cycle and right now I am dying. I thought that this was supposed to get better as you get older. Now, I have no idea that it is coming, with the exception of me screaming that I know what bra cup I am and that no one else can mess with me. Never mind, I guess you had to be there. LOL. Then I have no idea how long it is going to last, last time it lasted 2 days, time before that it was 2 weeks late and lasted two weeks. The time before that I think I had the entire thing in a 12 hour period and that had me scared, but come to find out that I am not dying, just beginning signs of pre menopause and holy shit chick you need to lose some weight or your ass is going to be in trouble. No, the doctor did not say that but she was writing it down, I peeked in the folder while I was getting dressed.

So the screaming about bras was Friday night, then Saturday night after spending the day eating a bag, yes a bag of minature snickers bars, and a few jelly beans along the way, I went to play pool and boy I needed to pull my head out of my butt for that one. But I was home early and went to bed early. I can only imagine how I would have been feeling yesterday if I was hungover! OMG.

So I will go to the gym tomorrow. I did good though, I just went to CVS and did not buy chocolate! yea me!

3/22/2009

What a week! I finally was able to catch up on all of my bloggers lives, everyone seems to be just as busy as I have been! I am now addicted to Paranormal State. Today is a 3 hour marathon and I am enjoying watching it.

3/18/2009

I am conducting training this week and I so do miss reading my blogging friends. I am hoping to catch up tomorrow afternoon or Friday. Please stay tuned for some exciting stories of this week including, the son's first wheels and his mother trying to bend low enough to sit in the passenger seat, The titilating adventures of my cat who no longer thinks she owns my house and more!!!

Have a great day and take care!!!

3/11/2009

Back is almost back to normal

When I got home last night I stretched out my back for a good half an hour and it felt so much better, in case you all were wondering.

3/10/2009

Not a good thing while Screwdriving my way to fourty

Well now, the post I just did disappeared.

My back is in shambles, wanna know how it happened? Simple, I was putting on my pants.

Why did this happen? My guess is because I used muscles last night that have been dormant (no, I did not do the deed) while working out, and I think that they decided to go on strike when i was buttoning my pants.

Now i am just wondering how long this is going to last and I am thinking to myself, I wonder if I am going to be able to hook my bra tomorrow morning.. yes it is that kind of back strain.

Have a day!

3/04/2009

Screwdriving and Screwdrivers

You might think that by the name of the blog that this year would revolve around alcohol. Well, that is only partially true.

I am 39, I do drink socially now. When I was 18 I was an alcoholic. I stopped drinking when I was pregnant, and didn't not drink until my son was 10. I have been able to control my drinking, since of course all of my demons have been stuffed in the closet and are so jammed in there that nothing is getting out. Anyways, about those demons...

My mother was an alcoholic. She would spend the nights at Bob's Bar in our home town and come home in the middle of the night drunk and stupid. This would happen on the weekends, and also during the week. She did not work, and would recover from her hangovers while I was rejoicing in school.

Since she could not manage during the day, because of these hangovers, it was my job to do the chores. I did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom, did the wash, took trash out, cleand up after the cat, and then I had saturday chores which meant I would spend the entire morning and mid afternoon cleaning. She would give me these chores before she would go out and expect them to be done when she got home. If these were not done to her satisfaction, I would be woken up and harassed for hours. Then of course I would be kept home the next day from school, because of evidence .. basically.
Anyways, I loved school and that was my refuge. Each time I ran away from home, I would always go to school because it was a safe place for me. When I turned 16 I had to get a job and give her each and every cent I would make, so I would try to do some babysitting on the side to have money and of course that was taken away from me also. It was not like I had new clothes to wear, most of my clothes came from a garage sale or trift stores. I am not knocking cheap clothes, my son had them all throughout preschool and kindergarden. But when you get to be a certain age... thats all I am going to say on that one.

I then left home, and freedom was immense. I met so many neat people and I had so many awesome jobs that I will remember them all. Considering that this was about 20 years ago I do remember many parts of this. I started drinking and I would only drink on the weekends, but they were dandy. I would drink until I blacked out, drinking straight Jim Beam, Jack, and beer. I never had a stopping point. It never really scared me then. I figured I was having a good time and this was normal. Plus it felt really good to only think happy thoughts, since I was always a happy drunk.

I dont know where I am going with this, but I am going to stop now and work on this some more tomorrow night. see ya then

Old things

OMG I JUST WANT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3/01/2009

Rambles

If I had a dollar for each time I started writing a post this week, I could have done some damage at Costco. Anyways, busy week.. nuff said.

It is supposed to snow today, 6-12 inches they say. I am glad that i went to the store last night, so that I would not have to deal with the people running around amuck trying to take the last gallon of milk or loaf of bread. I was thinking earlier that I would take my camera up there and snap shots of the mayhem.

I am trying to start a fire with no luck. May have to go and get some more firewood. UGH...

I am entering a few of my photo's in a photography contest in the area.

Gad I am boring...