1/11/2007

In the Beginning

I figure now that my son is 14 years old I can start sharing the story of how he was born. I think I have forgotten the pain by now.

I married his dad in 1990. I knew him for a short while and we got along great. As the years went on we also got along great as long as we were not in the same room. He travelled alot with work, and at that time there was no email, phones or gadgets on aircraft carriers. Just the old fashioned mail system. so we grew apart and I wanted to live and he wanted to party.

I was pregnant many times, each time getting alittle farther along and each time crying my eyeballs out for months after until i got pregnant again. I was married to a person who had no feelings, who did not want to listen and who had better things to do. I had to cope on my own, and I was young too. Oh well. So I get all the genetics testing done and the doctors says... your immune system is killling the fetus. Ok got it, so what do I do to make it stay. STERIODS baby. wonderful suckage drug let me tell you!!!!! Well me and the hubby moved thinking that that would help the relationship, but in all honesty I think he was getting me ready with a cheap ass place so he could bail. We had sex once, I had a cold and we had to christen our new apartment ya know. So then the next few weeks I am dealing with Steve leaving, having a major cold and debating on breaking a lease and moving in with my mother.

Guess what?? hint.. Vomit!!!

yes I was pregnant. Ok so I figure not going to tell anyone cuz it isnt going to last long. I wanted to wait and not tell a soul. I didnt even tell my mother. I was sick alot too, lost some weight and was on the midnight shift (In the military) and so i could sleep all I want. Which I did. I slept all day, when I got home from work, then took a nap around 9, went to work at 1030, then took a cat nap at work. I was in sleep heaven. I still remember to this day how much I would sleep. I only wish I could sleep that much now. Heh!!

I loved to eat that nasty dinty moore beef stew with faktaters, all mixed together. Now the smell makes me sick to my stomach and I haven't eaten it since. (rememebr my son is 14 years old) I also loved cereal, peanut butter, and chili cheese fries.

The smell of bacon would make me vomit, and that was about it. Once I was getting my hair cut, it was ubber long, and I had my first hot flash and I thought I was going to faint and throw up at the same time. Not a good way to feel at a mall, next to a jack in the box (barf). I was able to stay in my clothes for 6-7 months since you could tell i really didnt eat that much and I slept alot. I gained 26 pounds for the entire pregnancy. Not too shabby. When I went back to work I was able to wear the same dungarees I did when i wasnt pregnant (That only lasted a week though, I thought I was going to faint from holding my stomach in.

No one told me about the boobies. I couldn't make up my mind if I should breastfeed or not. So I went back and forth especially since Bryant wasn't eating. All he did for the first three days of his life was sleep away like nothing mattered to him... and of course, did I sleep?? Hell no, I wanted my baby to wake up so I could play with it. So then I get home and since I went to formula, I saw that my breasts were HUGE!!!! So in order to relieve the pressure that was killing me what did I do??? I pumped, thinking that would help... well it did for like an hour.. so I would pump again... and again.... you get the picture... after about a week I gave up and went through the pain.

Pain speaking of which, I also had a epidural headache and was in constant pain until I went back and they scabbed over the insicion. That was pain. Wow and I thought I forgot all about this pain. I guess not, but all good.

So when we got home, bryant had colic. This is when I wanted him to sleep and he wouldn't. he was just not on my side of the team. I did not want him to have colic and I was asking all of my friends. And none of them had kids and one lady said, stick soap up his butt, thats what my mom did to me (he was consipated so I thought that this was why he was colicy) I took him to the doctor but the doc said that I need to feed him 2 ounces then burp him for a few minutes then repeat. I told her that I was allergic (highly) to milk when I was an infant, but did she listen??? nope. So this went on for weeks, then when my old lady of a nanny was getting frazzled, I switched bryant to soy and omg... 2 days later and he was great!!!! He got a huge red butt from the change but omg he was an angel, finally my angel was home. I think this saved him from shaken baby syndrome from that old lady... This is bringing back memories of me standing at her apt door and listening her talk to bryant.... wow!!

Did i tell you that I went through another tramatic experience, besides childbirth?? Well, i was getting ultrasounds all the time since I was high risk. After they told me what I was having, I never had them tell me again, I figured they know what they said...

Well Bryant was supposed to be a girl. Her name was Sydney James. LOL I had a pink baby shower... It was like a pepto bismo party with out the song that they sing. Well when it popped out it had a penis and if my son turns out gay, I will know why... It took me weeks to address bryant as he. It was always... I ned to change her now, I need to feed her... why is she crying.. is she asleep.. and plus with me thinking girl thoughts throughout my pregnancy, one can only wonder...

Did I also tell you that when I would wake up to feed the baby I felt that i had to eat too??? Since it was the holidays, there was muchies all around and oh boy!! And like I said, I didnt breastfed so I didnt get that extra weight lose incentive.

Did I also tell you that my mother would not watch him, would not help. I know some parents are like that she thought that they were so close and always talk. I was living with her, and she wouldn't help. All she did was bitch about Steve not helping. Fun Fun!!!! It's odd, I know that when I am a grandparent I would want to help out my kids and snuggle with the babies and spoil them rotten.