3/04/2009

Screwdriving and Screwdrivers

You might think that by the name of the blog that this year would revolve around alcohol. Well, that is only partially true.

I am 39, I do drink socially now. When I was 18 I was an alcoholic. I stopped drinking when I was pregnant, and didn't not drink until my son was 10. I have been able to control my drinking, since of course all of my demons have been stuffed in the closet and are so jammed in there that nothing is getting out. Anyways, about those demons...

My mother was an alcoholic. She would spend the nights at Bob's Bar in our home town and come home in the middle of the night drunk and stupid. This would happen on the weekends, and also during the week. She did not work, and would recover from her hangovers while I was rejoicing in school.

Since she could not manage during the day, because of these hangovers, it was my job to do the chores. I did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom, did the wash, took trash out, cleand up after the cat, and then I had saturday chores which meant I would spend the entire morning and mid afternoon cleaning. She would give me these chores before she would go out and expect them to be done when she got home. If these were not done to her satisfaction, I would be woken up and harassed for hours. Then of course I would be kept home the next day from school, because of evidence .. basically.
Anyways, I loved school and that was my refuge. Each time I ran away from home, I would always go to school because it was a safe place for me. When I turned 16 I had to get a job and give her each and every cent I would make, so I would try to do some babysitting on the side to have money and of course that was taken away from me also. It was not like I had new clothes to wear, most of my clothes came from a garage sale or trift stores. I am not knocking cheap clothes, my son had them all throughout preschool and kindergarden. But when you get to be a certain age... thats all I am going to say on that one.

I then left home, and freedom was immense. I met so many neat people and I had so many awesome jobs that I will remember them all. Considering that this was about 20 years ago I do remember many parts of this. I started drinking and I would only drink on the weekends, but they were dandy. I would drink until I blacked out, drinking straight Jim Beam, Jack, and beer. I never had a stopping point. It never really scared me then. I figured I was having a good time and this was normal. Plus it felt really good to only think happy thoughts, since I was always a happy drunk.

I dont know where I am going with this, but I am going to stop now and work on this some more tomorrow night. see ya then

2 comments:

  1. Hey Jess! I tried commenting on the Rob Pattinson post the other day and couldn't get it to work. So I'm trying again...I am reading though!!

    I love the random posts like that. It's like my last one.

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  2. I think this is a great start...some good writing you got going here. I'm sorry you had such a rough time growing up. No kid, no matter the age, should have to live like that. I hope you will keep going with this story. I'm betting it will be therapeutic, too.

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