I am getting very excited about my 3 day walk. So much so that I had to go shopping for it today. Of course, I waited till the last minute to buy shoes, but I think I will be able to break them in by the walk, but of course that means I will have to train, train longer than the 4-5 miles that I have been walking. Don't get me wrong, I am taking this seriously, so much so that I am freaking out OMFG I am walking 60 miles! I went out today and spent 40 bucks on 4 pairs of socks that will keep my feet dry and blisters will not find me. We will see, if I get one blister I am writing the folks back and demanding my money back *wink*

The humor that I am going to write, does not talk bad about those that we are walking for, and I am sure that they have or are going to give up more than I ever will. I am just finding humor in all of this and I dont want any one of you to think that I am not taking this seriously.
Last year, when I agreed to walk, I filled out the information, paid the registration fee, none of which went to the amount of money that I needed to raise I thought, "Wow, I will get in shape, walk all summer long and be ready for this like I have never been ready before". Here I sit in front of the television watching Medicine Man, amazed that they acknowledged the Swine flu. I figure two days before my walk I will walk every day for miles, wind up spraining or breaking something and be on the sidelines for the walk. So of course I think to myself, "I don't want to get hurt, so I am going to stay in this chair in front of the television, and stay safe" Yea, I know I am totally setting up myself for failure.
People ask me, how is the training going, I respond all gleefully happy, "Omg it is going great, I am so excited, I am on fire fighting crime!" with of course a huge smile on my face. When they turn the other way I usually burst out in tears, crumple to the floor and suck my thumb while rocking!
The types of questions I have been asking, is "what type of food will be there?" I have been told that I will not starve and that there will be plenty for me and the other thousands of women and men who are walking. They also told me that there will be no hoarding of food... should I take that personally?? I am debating on taking a cooler and filling it with Miller Lite, Carmen's ice coffee and diet coke. Oops, oh yea and water too!!
One thing that I am weary about is getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I usually do not have to do this, I have a bladder like an elephant, and thighs too but that is a later conversation. I can hold it all night long, I do not like interrupting my sleep. But here, while I will be basking in the glory of sleeping in a tent, which is on the hard ground, they are telling me that I will not be able to hold it all night long and if I do, then there is something wrong with me. If I hold it all night, then I "must not be hydrated enough", people say, people say, "I am going to wind up with an IV drippping clear liquid in my veins". Yea okay! Sooo I will make sure that I drink water all day, so that my urine is clear, and I have to get up in the middle of the night, crawl out of my two person tent without waking up my tent mate to see a sea of hundreds of tents, not paying attention to where my tent is, stumbling across the fields sober, finding the bathroom, hoping not to touch the urinal and making sure I dont step in or touch nothing funky. Then I will have to make my way to the right tent. I told my tent mate that we will have to play Marco Polo so that I know where our tent is. I can just see myself, crawling into another person's tent, scaring the beejezus out of myself and the people in the tent, running out of the tent, knocking down their tent and about ten others while I run screaming through the tents hoping no one will recognize me the next morning.
I was reading that you can have co-ed tents if requested... I wonder if they have something like the mile high club for the walk?? They also mentioned that you might want to make sure to keep the noise levels down? I don't understand why... this is going to be the biggest sleepover I have ever been too... PARTY!! Minis are in our tent!

My tent mate wants to decorate the tent... I was thinking a mardi gras theme, with a "Party is Here" sign, we can have mini bottles of vodka, and get everyone drunk!! We aren't allowed alcohol in the tent area, not sure how this is going to go over, I might develop the shakes since I havent gone a weekend without drinking in a very very very long time!
Another idea a user had for females was to pack panty liners in your fanny pack so that you can stay dry and fresh. Okay as soon as I read this I am thinking, "Am I going to be the only one to hand someone a moleskin in wrap only to find out that I just handed a walker a very small and thin panty liner?" What and how do I acknowledge that? Do I just keep on walking, what if it is my last liner of freshness and I still have ten miles to walk? Do I say, "Oops, my bad, need that back", and then just give her the bandaid she requested? Do I play it off and tell her that those are what I use and they have been working like heaven? I wouldn't exactly be lying... Okay now once you have regained your exposure.. what do I do if it is a male????
While I am reflecting I realize that it is not just one day that I will be walking until my knees shake, my back has gone into convulsions and I am foaming at the mouth. But I get to wake up and do it all again, and again. Can you imagine my face, waking up Saturday morning without a hangover, thinking to myself this would be a great day to paint the walls, only to realize that I have to get up and go walk around in circles. Could I just tell them that I have already seen the fall foilage and the landscapes and would like to sleep in a bit longer? I can't wait for Saturday morning, and see how well I stand up. I figure if I crawl out of my tent, I could find a tree, crawl to it and use it to help me stand in an upright position. They mentioned that there will be stretching each morning, I am just wondering why I would want to put myself through any more pain than I am already in by actually making my muscles more and stretch out even more. What if I get stuck? What if my teammate gets stuck and expects me to unstuck her, while I am stuck at the same time? I feel old just writing this out.
Speaking of the sleeping, it was mentioned that the tent walls are thin and you should be respectful and not make a lot of noise, then they talked about the snorers. I can only imagine how it is going to sound when the entire sea of tents will be snoring at their own pace, not that I want to be awake to experience this event, I plan on pulling a Jim and Charlie and will be the first one asleep. Did I mention that I am going to be sleeping on a sleeping bag, on the ground??
They have a van that will pick up people who cannot finish the walk, I wonder if you are allowed to ride it more than once, I am thinking that if I pay the driver a tip they can actually look for me on the road, wink at me, throw me words of encouragement, maybe a diet coke if I am good to them. They give out special pins along the walk also.. like one for last walker to enter the camp, a pin for having to get a ride from the special bus. I am thinking to myself, its all about collecting the pins. I am sure I will be looking in my handbook for what pin I can collect now... might make the walk go by faster.
Oh, and this dude was talking about how people bring a pedometer with them so that they can argue with people about the actually total amount of miles on the walk. One thing that I see with the pedometer is that I will be totally excited to think I am on the 15th mile, only to find out that I am only on the 9th mile! No thanks, pedometer is not coming with me.
They also talk about not taking a shower right after the walk, since it will all go to your head and you will be naked and soapy and fall to the ground in front of everyone, since it is semi private showers. Of course, when a shower mate runs out of the showers screaming for help, a nice fine handsome young man will come to my rescue. I will not open my eyes if this happens to me. I will not open my eyes and make contact with this fine, young handsome man, who I am going to name (trying to think of a man's name that is not moose related LOL) okay I am going to name him Calvin. So Calvin comes struting in the shower, comes to my naked soapy body on the floor, and the first question out of his mouth, "Is there only one body down there?" He asks scared, worried that he is going to have give me mouth to mouth, while I am lying down hoping not to move, worried to open my eyes, wondering if he is going to try to give me mouth to mouth, wondering if I brushed my teeth, flossed... oh dear god, I then think that if I wake up now and I could bolt for the door again not looking back, hoping no one recognizes me from falling off the tents from the night before. Then looking around, wondering why everyone is staring at me, and then realized that I am buck arse naked OMG I AM WALKING 60 MILES!!!

Did I mention that Calvin might be the one driving the special bus???

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