10/08/2009

Getting geared up for the weekend

I had someone come up to me last night, gave me a 20 dollar bill, and hugged me and proceeded to break down and bawl. Now most of you know me as the not lovey dovey type, but I hugged her back and waited till she was done. It was all she could afford to give, she said. She wanted to do so much more but she couldn't right now. I told her that I understood, I also told her that she has given much more than monetary donations to my cause.
Since the walk is getting closer, I am getting many comments about how selfless I am to do this, I get comments of women thanking me, since they cannot walk themselves, and believe that eventually we will find a cure. All of this attention, I dont know, I am not the type of person to bask in it, I am more of a behind the scenes do gooder person. I read people's stories all the time, when I get a free moment I will go read the blogs where other people tell their stories of watching the battle or being a part of the battle themselves.
The emotions are what gets to me. When women talk about the recostructive surgery or the ability to not accept it at the beginning, or shunning their husbands away because they think that they are ugly, that is what really gets to me. That is a hurt that takes forever to go away, the pain cannot be taken away through drugs, even when the cancer is gone, the scars are so deep on the inside that nothing can make them go away. This is why I am walking. I cannot imagine looking at my naked self in the mirror and not having breasts. All throughout our youth, our breasts were the most important thing, we were jealous of the girls who got their boobies before we did, we always were checking them out or trying to make them look bigger, as if to say, my boobs are bigger so you have to look at me. As soon as you knew the boobs were growing you knew you were close to becoming a "WOMAN" And a few others who have expressed sadness, they said that their boobs represented a part of them that cannot be replaced, since a mother breastfeeding her child is one of the first bonding experiences with a child that that have memories of. I know men get breast cancer also, but it afects women more. Sometimes when I hear a man say what the big deal is, I tell him imagine losing your penis for the rest of your life... pretty much the same thing emotionally wise.

I am looking forward to meeting new people and making new friends. I am looking forward to taking pictures along my walk of everyone and my mascot. I have a feeling that during this walk, I am going to be doing a bit of growing, either in my mind or my spirit. I will accept this and will nurture it, and try to do an even better job next year. I have already made up my mind that I am going to do it next year. As long as it takes.

1 comment:

  1. My friend has done the walk many times and always has a great time and bonds with so many people.

    What a great thing you are doing.

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