Friday, March 25, 2011

Motherhood is happyness??

I read this post over at AlphaMom. Chris then challenged all that read to go and blog about what is making them happy right now about motherhood.

This is hard.

If she knew what was going on in this household, she would say maybe tomorrow. But as I read her story and I agreed on many points one being, "I am not my child's friend. I am their parent"
I feel the same way.
You can laugh and have a great time with your kids, but there comes a line that they know that separates the parent from their friends and they respect this line.

Anyways, so on to my happiness feeling.

My son moved out last week because he did not feel that he had to follow my rules.  Since he was 18 and a senior in high school he felt that he did not have to listen and suffer the consequences for breaking the rules, like keeping the grades up, and being home by curfew.

I was very sad and I thought my world was coming to an end.  I cried for days, wanting my child back.  Finally I woke up and realized that my child has grown up into a man.  I also realized that his moving out could be a good thing.  He can pay his bills, fend for himself and learn more responsibility than I could ever teach him.

I smiled, not because he might come running home defeated and broken, unable to make it on his own.
I smiled because I realized that I have done a damn good job raising my son.
He feels so strongly that he can make it out there, and he knows that it will not be easy. 
I know that I raised a man who will do what he needs to do to get to work, and get to school, if anything to prove his mom and dad wrong.
I am starting to feel happiness for what I have done for the past 18 years.  My son might not realize how hard I have worked to ensure he had what he needed. 
I am happy that I can let him go and try this feat of independence.  I am also happy to know that no matter what I will catch him if he falls, or I will celebrate his victories that he has in store for himself.

I taught someone, my son, to not fear the uncertain, but to face it with all of his might.

I reminisce of the past, of all the boo boos I kissed, all of the shoes I have picked up.  I remember every Friday after I picked him up from after school care, we went for REAL rolled taco's and shared them.  I rejoice in knowing that when he came home from school, he didn't mind sitting down to talk to his mom and have really deep and sometimes disturbing stories about what he is faced with at school.

I love the fact that he trusts me, and that he challenges me every day with something.  He can make me laugh one minute and yell at him the next.  I am happy that I taught him not to hold a grudge against people, and how to open the door for his girlfriend.
I am happy to start a new road with my son, who has turned into a man.  Hopefully one of us has a emergency kit!
Baby steps.
And yes I am smiling.

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