I knew it would take time

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I knew it would take time but still

I still get teary eyed at my desk when my phone will ring and I get a bit excited inside.
I cannot watch family movies that have a death in them. I have tried many times, and I get antsy and wind up with anxiety.
I do not look forward to the holidays at all. 
There was a time last year, where everything was good, and I actually bought Halloween candy, cooked a feast at Thanksgiving and looked forward to putting the Christmas tree up.  This year not so much.  I am hoping these two little rascals get me out of my mood and into the holiday spirit. Too many things on my plate right now and it is not fair at all. 

I read things from friends that are going through rough times and I can't even finish reading it.  I always think that time will ease all wounds and doing new things will help ease the pain.  But it doesn't. 


Right now, today I want to pack up my car and move to a town that has internet, fast internet at that, snowy roads and friendly people.  I want to become a hermit and never leave out of that town.

Sad sad sad...

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