Another Anniversary Without You
Today I celebrate alone. It would have been 18 years that we have been married. I was lucky enough to celebrate 10 years and 3 months married to you before your heart stopped beating. I miss you each and every day I wake. I thought it would get easier, but it's very hard.
It's even harder now, now that I am trying to wrap my head around the concept that in a few years, you will have been gone longer than I have known you. It hurts my heart, and tears spring to my eyes as soon as I think of this. I doubt that I will ever acknowledge the day, when it comes. I hope that by then I am with you.
We had gone through so much in the 13 years we were together. Separate financial issues, raising children as a partnership and not a battle. Dealing with our own issues with having another child, infidelity, work, and so much more that we had worked through and finally realizing that marriage was a full time job and needed just as much attention as a 9-5 job.
We hit that magic number in the savings account, we finally had one child graduated and one starting their last year of high school. We accepted that no matter what, we had to have each others back and work as a team to conquer all. We started to travel and actually have a good time together. It was finally our time. Our reward for all of the hard work. Our prize for the months of Top Ramen for dinner, and microwaved popcorn with the tv on as many of our first dates consisted of. We learned so much about each other when our dates revolved around the word cheap. Neither one of us minded, we would starve during the week so we could enjoy that Friday night out, or a weekend in Vegas. It was all worth it.
I remember so many firsts in our first year of dating. Driving to Vegas to party, or to play in the golf tournament. Our first trip together, we drove up with another group and we basically raced after passing the welcome to Nevada sign, You always were young at heart, ready to be one of the guys. You didn't care what others saw, you were there to have a good time. Once we checked into the hotel, it was time to hit the pool. I couldn't wait until the darkness came and we could walk the Strip and see all of the open shows and the lights. You enjoyed showing me around and the happiness in my eyes when the lights from the casinos would flash around me. Walking the Strip and people watching was one of our favorite things to do in Vegas. We loved that city. Always trying to find a reason and a few bucks to pack up the car and get away for the weekend. We would take the children as well, stay at the pool all day, then shower, hit the Strip and M&M world, and all of the souvenir shops. After a few hours we would take them to the MGM Grand babysitting service, where the children had every single game and movie known to man. There was even a bowling alley and a climbing wall there. for 6 hours they would be able to play, make friends and eat a ton of junk food while we tried our luck gambling. We always had a plan and an end goal of at least walking away with enough money to pay for the weekend.
The plan was what we called it and with as many times as we did venture to the Big City, there was only one time that we did not stick to The Plan and we drove home with empty pockets. However, instead of Top Ramen that week, we were able to move up to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
We knew we finally hit the big time when we were able to pour a glass of whole milk, to go along with the PB&J sammiches.
I miss you every day. No doubt about that one.
It's even harder now, now that I am trying to wrap my head around the concept that in a few years, you will have been gone longer than I have known you. It hurts my heart, and tears spring to my eyes as soon as I think of this. I doubt that I will ever acknowledge the day, when it comes. I hope that by then I am with you.
We had gone through so much in the 13 years we were together. Separate financial issues, raising children as a partnership and not a battle. Dealing with our own issues with having another child, infidelity, work, and so much more that we had worked through and finally realizing that marriage was a full time job and needed just as much attention as a 9-5 job.
We hit that magic number in the savings account, we finally had one child graduated and one starting their last year of high school. We accepted that no matter what, we had to have each others back and work as a team to conquer all. We started to travel and actually have a good time together. It was finally our time. Our reward for all of the hard work. Our prize for the months of Top Ramen for dinner, and microwaved popcorn with the tv on as many of our first dates consisted of. We learned so much about each other when our dates revolved around the word cheap. Neither one of us minded, we would starve during the week so we could enjoy that Friday night out, or a weekend in Vegas. It was all worth it.
I remember so many firsts in our first year of dating. Driving to Vegas to party, or to play in the golf tournament. Our first trip together, we drove up with another group and we basically raced after passing the welcome to Nevada sign, You always were young at heart, ready to be one of the guys. You didn't care what others saw, you were there to have a good time. Once we checked into the hotel, it was time to hit the pool. I couldn't wait until the darkness came and we could walk the Strip and see all of the open shows and the lights. You enjoyed showing me around and the happiness in my eyes when the lights from the casinos would flash around me. Walking the Strip and people watching was one of our favorite things to do in Vegas. We loved that city. Always trying to find a reason and a few bucks to pack up the car and get away for the weekend. We would take the children as well, stay at the pool all day, then shower, hit the Strip and M&M world, and all of the souvenir shops. After a few hours we would take them to the MGM Grand babysitting service, where the children had every single game and movie known to man. There was even a bowling alley and a climbing wall there. for 6 hours they would be able to play, make friends and eat a ton of junk food while we tried our luck gambling. We always had a plan and an end goal of at least walking away with enough money to pay for the weekend.
The plan was what we called it and with as many times as we did venture to the Big City, there was only one time that we did not stick to The Plan and we drove home with empty pockets. However, instead of Top Ramen that week, we were able to move up to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
We knew we finally hit the big time when we were able to pour a glass of whole milk, to go along with the PB&J sammiches.
I miss you every day. No doubt about that one.
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