Real Life of a Server - In the Alley

Being back in the restaurant profession has reminded me of the funny stories that we all have collected. Today, as I was whining under my breath of no one delivering food, I was reminded of this story:

At the restaurant, any restaurant really, there is an “alley”, where we, as servers, go to collect our fresh, off the burner, hot food, and delivery it to our tables. In all, and I repeat, ALL ALLEYS/galleys/kitchens etc etc, there will be food in the window.

Hot, and ready to go - and yet there will also be ten servers, standing around, talking to each other about their significant others, their antics from the night before, weekend plans, or where they see themselves ten years from now, point being they don’t deliver the food. They will talk about anything, except what garnish goes on the food that they are going to run. Now don’t get me wrong, when we are busy, they run the food and help as much as possible. Ya know, because they are a true team player. Yeah, I coughed on that as well.


They can see that the noodles are turning weird colors, and the sauce is drying out so much so that the noodles are turning the same color as the sauce once was. Sandwiches will have wilted, all in hopes that the kitchen will remake it, so the servers will have something to munch on while working 15 hours with no break. Of course, gossiping always sounds better while snacking on dried up mozzarella sticks, dipped in dry coagulated Alfredo sauce. It’s all the same premise, in every restaurant.

But wait, the Manager comes out.
The servers scatter like a group of cockroaches when the lights turn on. Managers start plating food, and ordering servers to run-food-run. Yet the server starts to mouth the following words:

It's not my food….
My food is next….
What is this dish called again (Some places, you have to present the food when giving it to the guest)
I don't know what table/section that is...
She is on her way in the kitchen, she can deliver it
Blah
Blah
Blah
They don't help running food, unless a manager points at them...Then while they have that “Deer in the headlights” look about them, you throw the tray of food, in hopes they catch it. I have had a few servers, that normally move at a snail's pace, who have actually tried to catch the tray, yet their bodies were basically in a state of shock to where everything started flaying in a mismatch of time & direction. It was like watching someone in the epic stages of a seizure while standing up.
I often wished I had a GoPro attached to my head during these times, so I could record the reactions, when given a chore that their bodies can't decipher. However, I've found that watching the facial and eye movements of the victims instead, has guaranteed the most epic laughter from the viewers, so much so that a few of them were running to the restroom in the same state of panic as the servers trying to catch the tray.
These videos would go on to the monthly team meetings in which they could provide feedback on what NOT to do. However it turned into mostly a discussion of if American Funniest Videos was still a primetime live show, and if so, how could we get the video submitted so we all could win millions and retire from our serving positions.

We would contemplate our future as millionaires while the food sat there, waiting to be ran.